Long Bus Ride Home

The world is controlled by two forces. The highest of the two being a positive energy of GOD, Compassion, and LOVE. The other being the complete opposite; utterly evil, destructive and hateful, better known as The Devil. I grew up being extremely familiar with the opposing side due to my elementary school fame... I can remember countless times where I was the cause of someone crying at recess because I excluded them from whatever girl group, club or gang my friends and I had formed at lunch earlier that day. The Spice Girls were usually who we strolled around Recess pretending to be. But looking back I realize we were more like Destiny's Child due to the fact the revolving door was always open. I was Beyonce though, so I did the kicking out and the replacing. Always. I was one of three black girls in my entire school so I was different and people admired that. Innocent souls admire the significant things in life. Unfortunately back then I let the hype go to my head and an EGO was formed. A lot of this happened before I even graduated from fifth grade! My 6th and 7th grade year was my karma though... I was teased a lot for being different. I was picked on because my hair was short, and big bull dyke bullies would call me bald headed and ugly. It was pure torture lmao. I'm so glad I can be able to look back now and smile and laugh at it all because it was simply the Universe at work. What I had done to my friends in Fair Oaks Elementary school was simply coming back to me. If only the school system taught universal wisdom... I think that slightly humbled my meanness for a couple of years. At least until I got to high school. High School wasn't as drastic as Elementary school but I still managed to mentally disturb peoples peace of mind. All due to my cowardly need to feel entitlement over my peers. I was known as a serious  "Mean Girl" up until I graduated high school. And a little bit after that too. I was Angelica Pickles from Rugrats, Isis and  Big Red from Bring It On, Duke from Heathers, Regina Gorge from Mean Girls, and Kathryn Merteuil from Cruel Intentions wrapped into one.

Back then I constantly felt the need to seek attention, acceptance and power over my peers and family members. Most people would assume I grew up in a broken home or dysfunctional family, but that couldn't be further from the truth. We weren't perfect-- maybe bent but definitely not broken. All the while I received an unconditional amount of love from my Grandmother, my mother and father, and depending on what day it was my brother. JC and I were spoiled rotten. Our parents (referring to all 3, grandma,mommy and daddy) would take us to Kings Dominion every other weekend all summer long and the weekends in between we'd drive down to Virginia Beach or North Carolina. Every single day was special because the significant things in life mattered back then. For example: Family Dinners, Face to Face communication, socializing without the distractions of Social Media, Smart Phones, and the internet, Quality time with family and friends, truly enjoying the essence of life and being connected. Connected to the Universe. Connected to life. Connected to yourself. In my heart, my childhood was perfect because the good outweighed the bad, and that's all that mattered. My parents did everything right. I was the one that chose to raise hell.

I didn't love myself then- like I do now. I didn't have the understanding of GOD and the Universe like I do now either. I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be. I didn't appreciate this life for the gift that it is. I was disconnected. A lot of us are disconnected but don't realize it.

Every now and then I try to make sense of my disturbing behavior to remember when, where and why it all started but I can only recall the feelings I remember feeling. Those feelings of isolation, unworthiness, jealousy and hurt. Who hurt me? I have the slightest idea. I don't know if TV is to blame, the educational system or emotions I extracted in my mothers womb. I just know that I was being controlled by the same force that controls most of the world we live in today.

Stating the obvious, the majority of the world is controlled by the Devil.

• Parents murdering their children are acts of the devil. 
• Black on black crime over materialistic things such as Iphones, jordans, and weed are all acts of the devil. 
• The war on drugs, Afghanistan, and Iraq are all acts of the devil. 
• The increase of homelessness and poverty are continuous acts of the devil. 
• Mental slavery, something that's held my people captive for centuries is completely manipulated by the devil.
• The deaths of Leaders Malcom X, MLK, JFK, Tupac, MJ and Princess Diana, are all orchestrated acts of the devil. 
• The mass shootings at Bath School (1928),  Columbine High school, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook elementary school,  were all directly controlled by Satan.
• My friend Lamar Walker who was a wholehearted, considerate, loving young black father was murdered for his Iphone on his way home the night before his baby girls birthday. The devil was responsible for this but will also be responsible for another black woman that grows up without the presence from her father in her life.

These are just a few manipulations from this evil forces of the world that go unnoticed in society because we've been conditioned to point blame on an individual rather than seeking a solution for the bigger problem. Look at the bigger picture to whats happening in society or in your life and make a complete shift to the force that will lead you to happier, peaceful, more fulfilling lives-- free of pain, judgement, stress, jealousy, and hate. In order to do so we must all start with ourselves. You must be completely in or completely out. Their is no half-way point. 

Last night I chose to be completely in...

It was about 11:20pm and I had just gotten off work when I stepped foot on the bus to head home. I was having difficulties paying my fair because the bus meter was acting up and wouldn't read my smart trip card. I must have been attempting to add value for a good three minutes before a white gentleman offered his help. I ended up just walking off because the bus driver was an airhead and I was slightly agitated by then. Plus I had been on my feet all day and there weren't any seats for me to sit down in. Well shortly after the bus pulled off the man who had assisted me with my smart trip was being verbally attacked by an african american male for "pushing him" even though the white man insisted that he didn't push him and if he did it wasn't on purpose. I felt bad because this man had helped me, and then here he was being attacked by some bitter crackhead or alcoholic. So, me being who I am, I attempted to resolve the situation. However the devil wasn't having any of that. The black man didn't take my interference too kindly and began verbally attacking me, yelling at me to mind my F---ing business, and back down, and a list of other threatening things. I didn't back down though. I came back at him a few times and really pissed him off. He became more and more angry as I showed no signs of the slightest care in the world from him trying to belittle me and scare me. He began to threaten me saying he would knock me out, and spray me, and catch a charge. Still I had no fear in my heart. The devil grew angrier. He began calling me a Bitch, a nappy headed bitch, a slave kissing up to my slave master, said I was kissing the white man's ass, and endless other ignorant shit. He went on and on for the entire bus ride. My hair at the time was in my natural fro and he said he would smack a perm into my hair... A perm though? Nahh, a deep conditioner maybe but not no perm. Babygirl is all natural over here. He can have that. After he made that comment I began laughing and it only caused him to explode on me a little more. He went on to say some really hateful things not worth mentioning, but things that made me realize how much control the devil has on my people.

That EXTREMELY disturbing incident was the inspiration behind this post. 

I've been disciplining myself to stick to one force for almost 3 years now. Good, God and Love. I have negative thoughts that do influence my mood and energy from time to time because I am still learning but ultimately I always refer to what I know and practice kindness as much as I possibly can. Stand tall against the devil no matter what, for he will surely try to break you, deceive you and hurt you-- In any aspect of your life, rather it's an unhealthy relationship, obsessive habit, decision making skills or just a bus ride home from work.